Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) Page 12

  I reach back and find his hand, our fingers intertwining, and I wrap mine tight around his as he thrusts gently into me, and I feel Cora’s tongue circle my nipple, her thumb roll lightly over my clit as she pulls her fingers out of me and slides four back inside. I’m full, I can’t take any more. And the crazy, red-hot mess happening in my gut is both beautiful and wrong and I throw my head back and cry out as I start to feel a wave so big begin to engulf me, and there’s a part of me that’s scared; terrified of what this is going to do to me. To us. To me and Zeb and everything I thought we had.

  And he comes first, I feel him gushing out inside me, and as Cora presses hard against my clit that pushes me over that precipice and I explode into what feels like a million pieces. I’m crashing and burning and everything around me is spinning, and for a second or two I feel like I can’t breathe, but then I feel Zeb’s arms around me and I’m calm. And he holds me as everything starts to come back together; as my breathing slows down and my body sags against his. And I feel Cora kiss me as she pulls her fingers out of me, running her hand across my slit one last time before Zeb withdraws and pulls me over to face him.

  I’m aware of Cora leaving the room, of the door closing, and I open my eyes and look at Zeb, and everything feels a little different somehow.

  ‘I love you, Izzi.’ He sits up and I straddle him, wrapping my legs around him. And I know he loves me. I know he means it, and even though he can still scare me sometimes, I love him too. I don’t think he’d ever hurt me. He said he just wants to protect me, and I believe him.

  ‘And I love you,’ I whisper, because I can barely get the words out, I’m still exhausted from what’s just happened. My insides feel like they’ve turned to jelly and my head’s a mess. And I still think he’s hiding something from me, but I also know it really isn’t wise to push him on that. ‘What did we just do, Zeb?’

  He runs his fingers up and down my spine and I shiver again as he pulls his knees up to cocoon me against him. It all feels very normal, what’s happening here. Very ordinary, if you forget the threesome that just happened. And there’s a part of me that wishes we were in a normal world living a normal life but I know that if I want Zeb – and I do. I want him. So I don’t think I can have normal, not anymore. But this – this feels normal. And I’m clinging onto that.

  ‘We had fun, Izzi.’

  I smile and run my fingers through his hair, leaning in to kiss him, and he holds me, and I’m still terrified that whatever it is he’s hiding from me – I’m scared that it could be putting him in some kind of danger, real danger, not just the usual shit these men get involved in. And suddenly the thought of something happening to him fills me with a fear I thought I’d learned to control. After Aiden I’d swore I didn’t want another relationship – I didn’t want to fall in love again, with anyone, but especially not someone I could lose in the blink of an eye. That’s why I’d walked away from Mack. But I really do think I’m falling deeper in love with Zeb, and given the kind of man he is, the risk of losing him – it’s high. And if there’s something he isn’t telling me…

  ‘Izzi…? Baby, you OK?’

  I blink a few times to get my focus back, because I’d drifted there. And the last thing I want is for the nightmares to return and the doubts to swamp me. So I nod and smile and he holds me, and for a little while everything’s going to be all right…

  Chapter Nine

  Mack

  I’m no longer President of the Soldiers of Darkness, and all I feel is a sense of relief. Yeah, there’s a part of me that feels like I’ve let Cooper down, walking away from a role he thought I’d be able to deal with. And I could. For a long time I was a good President, because I was focused. I let nothing get in the way, it was my life. My whole fucking world. But things change. People change. Circumstances change. And I ain’t focused no more. Not on being President. All that shit just don’t seem to hold the same importance to me that it did before. Does that make me weak? A couple of years ago I would’ve said yeah, it does. Men like me don’t throw away being President of a club like the Soldiers of Darkness. But that’s what I’m doing. And I’ve just handed it to a man who took the only thing that matters to me now, but I did that because I think he’ll be better for this chapter than I ever can be right now. I did it for the good of this club. Am I secretly hoping that being President will take his focus off Izzi? I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping for that, I ain’t gonna sit here and be a hypocrite. But I haven’t given Zeb the President’s patch purely because I want him distracted. I still care about this club and what happens to it, even if I am planning on walking away. I truly think he’ll do a much better job of running this place than me. OK, so he probably won’t move it away from its outlaw roots, but that’s fine. I don’t plan on being here too much longer, and I ain’t President no more, so, whatever happens here, it’s all on his shoulders now. His choices. His decisions.

  ‘What the fuck are you doing?’

  Izzi’s face, man, she’s pissed as hell as she strides towards me, and I throw my cigarette down on the ground and drop my gaze for a second, digging my hands into my pockets.

  ‘You’ve stepped down as President?’

  I slowly look up and her eyes meet mine and, yeah, I still want this woman more than I want any President’s patch. ‘Zeb didn’t hesitate in accepting his new role, darlin’.’

  ‘Why, Mack? I don’t understand… I thought this club was everything to you…’

  ‘It was.’ I shrug, and she looks confused now. ‘It was. But I just can’t do it no more.’

  She sits down on the wall opposite me, her shoulders sagging, she looks almost defeated.

  ‘You don’t wanna be Queen of the compound, huh?’

  She glances up at me and her eyes – they’re all cold again, they ain’t looking at me with any warmth in them. ‘I shouldn’t even be here. I shouldn’t be talking to you…’ She trails off, and for a second or two she looks like she’s drifted into some kinda trance, but then she shakes herself back to the here and now and makes to go, but I reach out and touch her arm, and she pulls it away from me like I got some kinda contagious disease. It’s a reaction I wasn’t expecting and it shocks me a little, so much so that I actually take a step back from her.

  ‘Whoa there, sweetheart! I ain’t gonna hurt you.’

  She stares at me again, and this time there’s a hint of fear in her eyes. ‘He said he’d kill you, Mack. If you came near me. If I came near you. He said if you even tried…’

  She trails off again, but I know what she’s gonna say. ‘You think I don’t know that, Izzi? You think I don’t know what he’d do if he knew I still…’

  ‘Don’t, Mack. Please.’ She shakes her head but she needs to know this. I can’t let her think I stepped down as President because I just can’t do the job no more. I can. I could. If I wanted to. But I don’t want to. I want something different now, something new, I don’t want this life no more. And I don’t think she does either. I’m not sure she ever did.

  ‘Where is he now, Izzi?’

  ‘He’s gone to the tattoo studio. He’s got appointments this afternoon… Look, I… I don’t know why I came back to see you, I mean, what am I doing? Putting your life in… Mack, he’d kill you, that’s what he said, and I believe him.’

  ‘I don’t want to fight him, Izzi.’

  ‘I don’t think he’s giving you much of a choice. Jesus, Mack, what’s happening here? Why did you step down as President? What the hell is going on?’

  ‘I don’t want it no more. Simple as that.’

  ‘I don’t believe you. There’s more to it than that, I mean, the way you’ve been lately…’

  She drops her gaze and turns away and I don’t know what to say to her now. Do I tell her the truth? Do I test the water, see if there really is anything there? I gotta find out what I’m dealing with here.

  ‘Izzi I… I’m leaving. I’m walking away.’

  She turns her head to look at me, and she�
��s still confused, and I don’t know whether this is the biggest mistake I could make, letting her know how I really feel. But she’s gotta know. Otherwise what the hell was the point of me handing this club over to someone else? To Zeb.

  ‘But I ain’t going nowhere without you, darlin’. When I walk out of this compound for good, you’re gonna be right there with me.’

  Izzi

  I feel like someone just dealt a cold, hard slap to my cheek. I don’t want him to say those words, I don’t want to hear them. He can’t do this, he can’t even think this, it’s crazy!

  ‘No, Mack. No…’

  I turn away and head into the clubhouse, I feel safer in there. Outside we were alone, and I don’t want to be alone with him, that can’t happen.

  I go into the kitchen, I need a glass of water. My throat feels dry and it’s because I’m scared. I know Zeb isn’t here, he’s at the tattoo studio, but if he suspects I’ve been alone with Mack, even for just the briefest of seconds, I know what he’ll do.

  ‘You don’t think I’m serious?’

  My head shoots up and he’s there, leaning against the doorpost as though this conversation is normal.

  ‘I ain’t scared of Zeb, Izzi. Men like him – come on, darlin’, I been around ‘em for most of my life. All of my life.’

  ‘And you planned on taking their wives away from them, too?’

  He laughs quietly and walks over to me, that cocky arrogance he showed when I first met him back with a vengeance, and I look up as he approaches, my stomach dipping so low I can’t catch my breath. But it’s fear that’s causing it, not excitement. I don’t want him this close to me because it’s dangerous. Because me and him were over a long time ago. Because I don’t want him, not anymore, but I don’t want him hurt, either. ‘Look at me, Izzi.’

  My eyes lock with his but it’s still fear that swamps me. Still nerves that take over as he reaches out to touch my cheek but I push his hand away. I don’t want this. ‘It’s too late, Mack. And we’ve been here, we’ve done this, we’ve talked about this. It’s too late.’

  He shakes his head and I just want him to go. I need him to go. ‘I ain’t giving up without a fight, not this time.’

  ‘I love Zeb, don’t you get that? Don’t you see that?’

  ‘A man who threatens death to any brother who looks at you wrong?’

  ‘Not any brother, Mack. You.’

  ‘He don’t trust me, huh? Or is it you he don’t trust, Izzi?’

  He’s kind of pissing me off now. He’s got no right to do this, to tell me this shit; what does he want me to do? Fall at his feet like I’ve been waiting for this moment forever?

  ‘I didn’t ask you to do this, Mack. So please don’t make me feel guilty for…’

  ‘No, you didn’t ask me to do this. I did this because this is what I want now.’

  ‘You want to leave everything you’ve ever known behind?’

  ‘Only if you come with me.’

  ‘You can’t lay this on me, Mack, Jesus! I don’t want this…’

  ‘Does he scare you, Izzi?’

  I frown, and my eyes are still locked on his but that anger’s rising. I really do want him to go now. ‘You need to leave.’

  ‘Does he scare you, darlin’? Has he placed a hand on your neck and got so far up in your face that you feel your stomach turn? Has he spoken words that confuse and excite you and make you terrified to say no to him?’

  He reaches out to touch me again, and again I stop him from doing that. This isn’t going to work, things are different now. I’m different now. ‘I’m not going to put you through any more crap, Mack. I walked away and I did that because I cared about you. I didn’t want to hurt you more than I already had done, you deserve better than me.’

  ‘Don’t you think I should be the one who decides that, huh?’

  I shake my head and step back from him. ‘It’s too late.’

  ‘You love him that much, huh? Despite everything?’

  ‘You know nothing about me and Zeb, Mack. You know nothing about our relationship, the way we feel about each other. And nobody’s saying it’s perfect or normal or anywhere near ordinary, but it’s real. And maybe it wasn’t in the beginning, maybe it’s taken me a bit of time to fall in love with him…’

  ‘Was he a distraction, Izzi? Something to take your mind off me…?’

  ‘You never did lose that arrogance, huh?’

  He bows his head and I lean back against the counter, folding my arms as I drop my gaze.

  ‘I love him, Mack. And I shouldn’t have to apologize for that.’

  I raise my head and his eyes once more meet mine, and I feel a pull on my heart I didn’t expect, and I take a deep breath.

  ‘I need to get away from here, Izzi.’

  ‘I can’t come with you, Mack. I can’t.’

  He comes towards me, and I don’t push him away this time. ‘Do you really know him? Know what he’s capable of? The kinda man he really is?’

  ‘He’ll never hurt me.’

  ‘Is this what you want forever, huh? This fear, this worry that one day you’ll get a call telling you he’s…’

  ‘I need you to go now, Mack. Please.’

  ‘You aren’t the same girl that walked into Laney’s all attitude and anger. You don’t have those twisted dreams no more, you aren’t that same person, Izzi. You’ve changed, whether you realize it or not. You’ve changed. And so have I, neither of us are the same people we were a year ago. I thought I was, y’know? I thought I could get him back. But I can’t. And I don’t even know if I want to.’

  ‘Just go, Mack. Please. Before Zeb…’

  He takes my hand, and I try to pull it away but his grip is tight. ‘You don’t want this life any more than I do now, darlin’. You just need to admit that to yourself.’

  He drops my hand and walks out of the room, and I close my eyes and take another deep breath. And whatever that was, it isn’t going to happen again. It can’t happen again.

  ‘Izzi?’

  I look up at the doorway, and Sam’s there now. And I can tell by his face he saw Mack come out of here. ‘Don’t tell Zeb, Sam. Please. If he thinks Mack’s…’

  ‘I won’t say a word.’ He walks further into the room, his eyes down on the floor. ‘Everything OK?’

  ‘You knew, didn’t you? What he was planning?’

  Sam looks up, and he doesn’t need to reply, I already know the answer.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me? Give me some kind of heads-up?’

  ‘This is something you need to deal with yourself, Izzi. You needed to hear what he said and go with your gut feeling.’ His eyes bore into mine, and I don’t want to be here anymore. ‘Which is…?’

  I shake my head and laugh quietly. ‘No. No, you’re not doing this. What he’s just done, that isn’t fair. I didn’t ask him to do that, Sam, to give up everything for something he can’t even have. What the hell is he thinking?’

  ‘There wasn’t even a part of you that wavered? That thought, maybe, Mack had something?’

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘Trying to get you to be honest with yourself.’

  ‘I love my husband, OK? And I am tired of having to prove that, to you, to Mack, I’m tired. Whatever Mack’s doing, whatever crazy, stupid plan he thinks he can pull off, I don’t want any part of it. He is putting his life in danger just by telling me what he’s told me, and I can’t…’

  ‘Be honest, Izzi. With yourself.’

  ‘I love Zeb.’ I say the words slowly and carefully, because I feel like nobody’s hearing me. ‘You want me to be honest? I didn’t love him – I didn’t love Zeb. Not in the beginning. Not in the way people are supposed to love their partner on their wedding day. Mack asked if Zeb was a distraction, something to take my mind off him, and do you know what? Maybe he was right… no, he was right. Then. But now – now I look at Zeb and my stomach flips for him. For him. For the man I married, not the man I walked away from.’

  ‘Y
ou could’ve gone back, Izzi.’

  ‘No.’ I shake my head again and fold my arms back across myself. ‘No, I couldn’t. Mack doesn’t need me…’

  ‘He does. You think he can do any other kind of life, outside of this world he’s grown up in, on his own? He can’t. And he knows that, you know that…’

  ‘And I can’t help him, Sam. I can’t hold his hand and babysit him, I can’t. What he wants, it isn’t going to happen, and I’m not going to be a part of it, it’s too late.’

  He drops his gaze again, for a couple of beats, before his eyes once more meet mine. ‘What he’s doing, it’s dangerous. I know Zeb better than anyone, I know how he feels about you, and I know what he’d do if he had any idea of Mack’s real reason for handing him the President’s patch. He’d shoot him dead and feel not one ounce of guilt.’

  I narrow my eyes as I look at Sam, because I don’t know where this is going.

  ‘But I can help you, Izzi. I can help you and Mack get away…’

  ‘Didn’t you hear me, Sam? Am I talking to my fucking self here? I don’t want to go anywhere with Mack. I don’t want to be with him anymore, I want to be with Zeb… Jesus!’