Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) Page 21

  We’re going to be OK, me and Zeb.

  We’re going to be OK…

  Mack

  Neither Sam nor Zeb went to Kes’ funeral this afternoon. I ain’t even seen Zeb since it happened, since I found his father – my uncle – dead on the floor of a run-down motel room, his days ended by a massive coronary. Because that’s what’d killed him. And the fucker didn’t see it coming.

  ‘You still here?’

  I look up and throw Cora a smile, but it’s loaded with sarcasm. ‘Good to see you too, Cora.’

  She leans back and rests her elbows on the bar. She’s covered only by a short black robe ‘cause she’s about to go out there and give these guys their nightly dose of jerk-off action, and I remember the one time we’d fucked like it was going outta fashion; a time when I never went back for seconds, ‘cause there weren’t no-one out there who made me want to. Until Izzi crash-landed into my life and fucked-up my whole freakin’ world.

  ‘I thought you were heading out of here, is all.’

  ‘I am.’ I drain my glass of whiskey and light up another cigarette.

  ‘But not yet, huh?’

  ‘You trying to get rid of me?’

  ‘Just wondering what’s keeping you here when all you been saying these past few days is how you can’t wait to get outta this town.’

  I narrow my eyes as I stare her down. ‘You not got somewhere you need to be?’

  She turns around and leans forward, clasping her hands together on the countertop as she looks straight at me. ‘You’ll be OK, Mack.’

  ‘I never doubted it.’ I take a deep draw on my cigarette and blow smoke up at the ceiling. ‘A new start’s just what I need. It’s time to exorcise all those ghosts; make a new life for myself.’

  ‘Any idea where you’re heading?’

  ‘California.’ I stub my cigarette out on the underside of the counter. ‘There’s a Soldiers chapter in Sacramento, got a couple of brothers gonna put me up there for a few days.’

  ‘Gonna take some time to get there though, huh?’

  ‘And I got all the time in the world, darlin’. Gonna ride up through Arizona, into Vegas, through Nevada… got brothers in every state, and women who ain’t yet experienced what Mack Slayer can do, so I ain’t in no rush to settle in any one place just yet.’

  ‘The old Mack is back, huh?’

  ‘You bet your sweet ass he is.’ I slide down from my stool and grin at her, sidling up behind her and smacking her ass as I lean in to her. ‘And if was still giving away seconds you’d be first on my list, darlin’.’

  She turns around and looks at me. ‘And what about Izzi?’

  ‘What about her? She’s gonna be a momma now, she ain’t no use to me no more.’

  ‘You really mean that?’

  My expression hardens slightly, ‘cause I ain’t liking the way she’s turned this conversation. ‘Yeah. I really mean that. Now you got work to do, sweetheart. And you don’t wanna keep these brothers waiting.’

  I head out of the bar and climb onto my bike, taking one last look around me before I start up the Harley and begin my escape outta this town.

  I don’t need this shit no more.

  I don’t need anything, or anyone.

  I’m starting over. I’m leaving the crap behind.

  Yeah… the old Mack is back…

  Zeb

  ‘I would’ve gone with you. If you’d wanted to go.’

  I pull Izzi down onto my lap and kiss her slightly open mouth as she straddles me. ‘I didn’t wanna go, darlin’. In the end I owed him shit, and knowing he’s dead... it’s a relief.’

  She hooks her arms around my neck and rests her forehead against mine and I know she ain’t convinced, and that’s because she’s just watched me punch a hole in the wall in frustration and anger but that wasn’t because I was sad my daddy had died. That was frustration borne outta so much crap. I hated myself ‘cause I hadn’t got the balls to kill him; hated the fact Mack Slayer had been sent to do the job in my place. I hated the fact Sam put us through all this shit, but I was mainly angry with myself. I wanted to hurt me for being weak. I needed to rid myself of that crap and she let me do that. She loved me. And I love her for doing that.

  ‘It’s a new beginning now, Zeb,’ she whispers, and I close my eyes and breathe her in and I ain’t felt shit like this before, I ain’t. I mean, I ain’t scared of nothing, but this – what I’m feeling here, what she’s carrying inside of her, our baby; that’s what scares me. Because that ain’t anything I’ve ever had to deal with. Being in love, becoming a father, it’s scary shit. It’s fucking terrifying. But I’m gonna make damn sure I do a better job of being a father to my kid than my old man did. He or she ain’t gonna grow up hating me or resenting me for nothing. I ain’t gonna let that happen.

  ‘You scared, Izzi?’

  She strokes my hair and smiles and she kisses me gently. ‘Of what?’

  I lay a hand on her stomach. ‘This. The future.’

  Her fingers lightly stroke the back of my neck and her hand covers mine, our fingers intertwining. ‘I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. But we can do this, Zeb. I know we can.’

  I smile, and she returns it, and I feel my stomach dip and it’s fucking crazy. I ain’t ever been so happy, and that’s probably the most terrifying thing about all of this. The most alien thing about all of this, ‘cause I ain’t sure I ever really been happy before. Not like this.

  ‘Yeah. We can do this.’

  She winds her fingers in my hair as we kiss again, a long, slow, deep kiss and I just want to hold her and protect her and never let her go. I want to keep her safe and love her like she should be loved.

  ‘I gotta go, princess.’

  ‘Now?’

  ‘Got things to do over at Six. Then I gotta drop by the clubhouse and sort some shit out with Ivan, the club’s lawyer; something to do with Kes’ will.’

  I lift her off me and grab my cut from the back of the chair, and I reach out and circle her waist and pull her to me again, my mouth catching hers in another kiss.

  ‘You sure you’re OK?’

  I smile and gently rub her back as she presses herself against me. ‘You just rest up, all right?’

  ‘I’m pregnant, Zeb, not ill.’ She jerks her head towards the hole I punched in the wall. ‘You gonna get that sorted?’

  I grin at her, and she playfully nips my upper arm.

  ‘Zeb? I mean it. I’m not living with a hole in the bloody wall, I want this house all done, fixed and ready for when this baby gets here.’

  ‘I’ll send Flint round tomorrow. He did some plastering work in the tattoo studio when we were doing it up, he’ll fix this in no time.’

  ‘OK.’

  ‘Happy?’

  ‘Happy.’ She stands up on tip-toe and kisses me again, and I lean in and nuzzle her neck and she laughs out loud as I lift her off the ground, just an inch or two, and swing her around. Jesus! I love this girl, so freakin’ much!

  ‘I’m probably gonna be late back, princess, so, don’t wait up.’

  ‘And what if I want to wait up? What if I’m just not tired, huh?’

  She smiles, and I grin back ‘cause I get what she’s saying. ‘Then I might just be home sooner than I thought I’d be.’ One more kiss. One more feel of her ass, one more chance to touch her skin and breathe her in. ‘Later, beautiful.’

  And as I back outta the room I know I’m the luckiest son-of-a-bitch this side of the border.

  The luckiest son-of-a-fucking-bitch…

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Izzi

  I hadn’t even realized I’d fallen asleep, but the sound of a dog barking across the street shocks me from my sleep and I glance over at the clock. It’s two-thirty in the morning, and Zeb still isn’t home, but then I remember his text a couple of hours ago telling me something had kicked off at Six – a rival group of bikers from way out of town coming to cause trouble – and he needed to deal with it. And then my stomach knots
up and I feel sick. What if he was hurt? What if it had all got out of hand? I know Zeb, he doesn’t shy away from a fight, especially if he’s protecting what’s his, and I jump up off the couch and reach for my phone. I call him but it goes straight to voicemail, and I hang up without leaving a message and find Hal’s number – as Zeb’s V.P. he might know where he is – and I call him, not caring about the time. None of these men are exactly the early night type.

  ‘Hey, Izzi. You OK, darlin’?’

  ‘Have you seen Zeb? That fight, at Six…’

  ‘All sorted. Just some braindead jerks thinking they could walk into our place and take over, but they picked the wrong club.’

  ‘Is everyone all right?’

  ‘A few tables got overturned, a few punches were thrown, a knife got pulled… pretty average night, really.’

  He laughs, and I kind of feel better. I think.

  ‘Where’s Zeb now?’

  ‘Clubhouse. He’s probably just crashed there, Izzi. You tried calling him?’

  ‘His phone’s going straight to voicemail…’ I hear the front door open and then close and I breathe a sigh of relief, my whole body relaxing as quickly as it had tensed up. ‘It’s OK, Hal, he’s home.’

  ‘All right, sweetheart. You take care now.’

  I hang up and head out into the hall. Zeb turns around and smiles at me and I wince slightly at the bruises and cuts on his face.

  ‘Go on.’ I return his smile. I’m just glad he’s home. ‘Say it. You should see the other guy.’

  He laughs and holds out his arms and I step into them, falling against him. The relief that he’s in one piece is overwhelming. And I think I’m only worrying like this because my hormones are shot to pieces and I’m aware I have a baby growing inside of me, and I hate it, that I’m turning into the kind of woman who needs to know where my husband is when he isn’t with me. But I need him to stay safe. I really need that, now.

  ‘You look tired, princess.’

  ‘Is that a polite way of saying I look rough? Because you do.’ I reach up and gently touch one of his cuts and it’s his turn to wince. ‘Don’t be a baby,’ I laugh, and he pulls me tighter against him and kisses me deep and I let the relief wash over me again. ‘Come on. I’ll clean those up.’

  I take his hand and we head into the kitchen, and I fill a bowl with warm water and start to gently and carefully wash his cuts.

  ‘You wish we didn’t have to live like this, don’t you?’

  His question surprises me, and I stop what I’m doing and look at him, cocking my head slightly. ‘I’m OK, with this. Really, Zeb. I’m fine.’

  His arm circles my waist and he pulls me down onto his lap. ‘Maybe it won’t be forever, huh? I mean, who knows how the hell we’re gonna feel when this baby gets here. The whole world could look like a completely different place, couldn’t it?’

  I smile slightly, and he kisses me quickly, but I don’t ask him what he means by that. I don’t push the conversation, I don’t want him to elaborate. Because I really am OK with things the way they are.

  I start dabbing at his cuts again, and I feel his fingers clutch my T-shirt as I gently wipe the blood away. This is what we do now. This is how we live and love and as long as he comes home to me, safe and in one piece, I’m OK, with this.

  ‘Did you sleep with him, Izzi?’

  My heart shudders, it literally feels like it stops beating for the briefest of seconds and I slowly lower my arm, the cotton ball I was using to clean his cuts falling from my fingers. And I don’t want to talk about this, I thought this was over, done, and I climb off him, but his fingers grasp my wrist before I can go anywhere. He stands up and swings me around, and his eyes – they aren’t angry. They’re not cold or hard and I’m not scared, when I look at him. I just feel sad; sad that I hurt him, because I know now that I love him so much but I can’t take back what I’ve done. And I feel a pain cut across my chest that makes me clutch my stomach and his expression changes to one of concern.

  ‘Izzi? What’s happening, baby?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I whisper. ‘Nothing, I’m fine, I just…’ I slowly look up at him, and that sadness floods back in waves. ‘I’m so sorry, Zeb.’

  He bows his head and drags a hand through his hair and I don’t know what to feel anymore. I just know that I don’t want to feel like my world’s crashing down around me, I don’t want that. And then he raises his gaze and his eyes lock with mine and he reaches out and slides a hand around the back of my neck, pulling me to him, until his mouth’s on mine and he’s kissing me so hard I can barely breathe.

  ‘I knew, deep down, that he’d fucked you.’

  My stomach contracts, and I feel sick and confused and I don’t know what’s happening now, I don’t.

  ‘I knew, darlin’. And I wanted to kill him, I wanted to end his fucking life ‘cause he’d taken something that wasn’t his to take.’ He runs his fingers lightly down my face and I feel a kick to my gut and I clutch my stomach again, a reaction that’s become almost reflex now, knowing what’s inside of me. ‘I was this close, Izzi. To killing him. I mean, I had a chance, didn’t I? When he called round and all but told me himself what he’d done; what you’d both done. I had a chance, to get him outta our lives for good. To make him disappear once and for all but I pulled back. Because of you.’

  I breathe in deep and exhale slowly because that confusion and fear I’m feeling, it’s working itself into the tightest knot and it physically hurts.

  ‘I love you so much, y’see. You got me good, darlin’. And I know it was a mistake, on your part. I was in a bad place, and you were confused. Maybe I pushed you too far. But Slayer, he took advantage of that. He played you, and you gave in, you were weak. But you got stronger. You walked away, you came back to me, and you’re having my baby, Izzi. You’re having my fucking baby, and that makes everything else so fucking insignificant.’

  ‘Why are you doing this now, Zeb?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ He shrugs, and I step away from him and lean back against the cupboards because I feel a little dizzy. It’s late, and I’m tired, and I don’t want this to be happening. ‘I guess this time of the day… the quiet, that feeling of being alone, when the streets are deserted and it’s just me and the bike… I got to thinking… But he’s gone now. Mack – he ain’t here no more. Did you know that?’

  I look at him, because I didn’t know Mack had left. Not yet. I didn’t know he’d already gone.

  ‘He left earlier tonight. Just got on his bike and rode outta town, and I don’t know where he’s heading, I didn’t ask. ‘Cause I think it’s safer that way, for all of us, if I don’t know where he is.’

  I hold his gaze, I have to. He needs to know I don’t care, about Mack. Not anymore. I don’t, I can’t, I love him.

  He moves in front of me, and he reaches out and gently touches my cheek with his fingertips, leaning in to kiss my mouth and I lay a hand on his hip and pull him closer until I’m in his arms, and he’s holding me. He’s holding me, and I lay my head against his shoulder and I close my eyes and listen to his heart beating. And I know this is the only place I want to be, here, with him.

  ‘I love you, Izzi.’

  He threads his fingers in my hair as he murmurs into it, and I cling onto his shirt as tiredness swamps me. I just want to sleep, in his arms, I want him to hold me and make love to me and I don’t want to have to think about Mack again.

  ‘I love you too,’ I whisper, and I look up and his mouth catches mine and he smiles, and I feel like a weight has just been lifted. ‘I love you so much, Zeb.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘I’m tired.’

  He smiles again, and whatever this was, it seems to be over now. ‘Let’s go to bed, huh?’

  I return his smile, and he takes my hand and leads me out of the kitchen, but it takes just a second for the pain to rip through me again, only stronger than before, and this time I know it isn’t anything to do with fear or nerves, this is real. This pain
is fucking real, and I let go of his hand and double over and I recoil at the sight of the blood pooling around my feet.

  ‘No…’ I can’t keep the panic out of my voice, yet there’s also a numbness sweeping over me, like I’m being pulled back from this, like I’m falling… ‘Zeb…?’

  ‘I’ve got you, baby…’

  I’m aware of his arms around me, of us on the floor, and he’s cradling me, his legs pulled up around me, and he’s talking into his phone… I don’t know who he’s talking to. It might be Sam. I don’t know. And then the pain rips through me again and it’s like a smack of reality, I’m being pulled back now, and I know what’s happening, we both do. We know…

  ‘Sam’s on his way,’ Zeb murmurs as he holds me, and I can’t stop the tears, they’re streaming down my face so fast I can barely see, and the pain… it’s like it’s constant now, waves of it washing over me and I can’t look down, I won’t. ‘I love you, Izzi. And this is gonna be all right, it’s gonna be OK…’

  He knows it won’t be. I don’t think it can be, but I need to hear his voice, I need to know he’s there, and I lean back against him and close my eyes as his fingers tighten around mine, and I’ve never been more scared. I’m so fucking scared…

  Zeb

  ‘Jesus Christ, Zeb…’

  ‘Don’t say it, Sam. Don’t.’ I know what’s happening, and it’s breaking my fucking heart, but I don’t want to hear anyone else say it. ‘It’s OK, baby. We’re gonna get you to the hospital now, y’hear? We’re gonna make this all right.’ I lift her up in my arms, careful not to slip in the blood that’s on the floor, and I carry her outside to Sam’s car. He opens the back door and I lay her down, kissing her quickly, and she opens her eyes and I feel a pain so fucking real it’s like I’m being ripped in two.