Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) Read online

  ‘No!’ She reaches out and grabs my hand and she squeezes it so fucking tight it freakin’ hurts. ‘There isn’t time. I can feel him, he’s coming, and he isn’t going to hang around.’

  She cries out again, and she squeezes my hand even harder, and I pull out my phone and call Cora. She’s on her way, and she’s gonna bring Sam, but right now it’s just me and Izzi and I gotta take control here. I just ain’t got a fucking clue what to do.

  ‘I can do this, I can do this….’

  She’s repeating that like some kinda mantra, and then she clutches her stomach and cries out again and she sinks to the floor, letting go of my hand as she falls to her knees. And I’m down there with her, of course I am.

  ‘OK, darlin’, we got this. All right? We got this, we’re gonna do this.’

  ‘I’m scared, Mack.’

  ‘I know, baby, I know.’

  What the hell do I do here? I mean, I ain’t ever had to deal with this kinda thing before, but I can’t let her see how freakin’ lost I am. I need to be here for her, I need to deal with this.

  She grabs my hand and squeezes it hard as she cries out again and I sit back against the cupboards and pull her between my legs. I ain’t Zeb, I can’t give her that, but I can try and give her some kinda comfort, it’s all I can do. And she leans back against me, her body almost sagging as the pain subsides, and her grip on my hand loosens slightly but it’s just minutes before it all starts up again, and she’s wracked with another wave of the kinda pain I ain’t sure I can even begin to understand. And I just hold her, like I said, that’s all I can do, but the relief I feel as I hear the front door open and Cora runs in – man, am I glad to see her.

  ‘Izzi, honey, it’s OK, I’m here now. I’m here, and so’s Sam.’

  She keeps hold of my hand, and she nods, and she looks so tired, so scared. And I’m scared, too. So fucking scared, of so fucking much.

  ‘You can go now.’

  I look up at Cora, and I shake my head. ‘I ain’t going nowhere.’

  ‘I don’t want him to go,’ Izzi whispers, and she squeezes my hand again as another contraction takes hold. This little guy really is in a hurry to get out, so I don’t think any of us has got much time to sit here and talk about who’s staying and who ain’t.

  ‘You sure?’ Cora asks her, and Izzi nods and lays her head back against my shoulder. And I know I’m just her Zeb subsitute, and when she closes her eyes and squeezes my hand she’ll be pretending I’m him but I’m OK with that. I just want her to get through this any way she can. ‘OK… sweetheart, can you let me see what’s going on down there?’

  ‘Ambulance is on its way.’

  Sam walks into the kitchen, and he’s like a wave of calm as he surverys the scene, but he don’t comment on it. He just heads off into the back room and comes out with an armful of towels, this ain’t fazing him one bit. I’m beginning to wonder if anything fazes him.

  ‘Oh, Jesus, fucking Christ!’ Izzi cries out again and I grip her hand and gently stroke her arm as she throws her head back against me.

  ‘Come on, darlin’. You can do this,’ I murmur, and she squeezes my hand and turns her head so it’s almost buried in my shoulder, and I feel a pain so raw flood through me.

  ‘You’re gonna have to push now, Izzi, y’hear me?’ Cora says, ‘cause she’s the one taking charge down there, she’s running this show now. ‘I can see his head, Jesus, this little guy’s in a hurry. You gonna do that for me, honey? You gonna push now?’

  Izzi clutches my hand again, and she reaches for my other one, her fingers intertwining with mine as she rests our joined hands over her bump and I feel her bear down, and I breathe with her as she pushes, and this is some freakin’ crazy shit, man…

  ‘Good girl!’ Cora smiles, and she briefly looks up but I don’t think Izzi’s smiling back. Not yet. ‘It’s not gonna be long now, Izzi, he’s almost out. If you lean forward a bit you can see him…’

  ‘Where’s Sam?’ Izzi gasps, and as she slowly leans forward I lean forward with her, and I look down, and that crazy shit I was feeling before – that just got knocked right outta the park, ‘cause what I’m seeing now…

  Izzi

  I feel the tears start to stream down my face as I look down, and I see him; the first glimpse of my baby. Of Zeb’s baby.

  ‘One more push, Izzi. As soon as you feel the urge, you just give it all you got, sweetheart.’

  ‘Where’s Sam?’ I repeat the question, and Cora jerks her head back in the direction of the hall, and I can hear voices – familiar voices – so I’m guessing some of the guys from the club have turned up too, but as I feel that need to push overwhelm me again I cling onto Mack’s hand and I push so hard, and I hear him whispering encouragement and I really am grateful he’s here. Now. I needed someone to be here, like this, when this happened. I needed to be held, I needed a hand holding mine, I needed this.

  ‘Sam!’

  I hear Cora yelling for Sam, and I lean back against Mack and he holds me, and I’m still crying because I miss Zeb so much my heart is breaking all over again.

  ‘Sam! He’s almost here, come on! One more push, Izzi, and I mean it this time. One more push and your son’ll be here.’

  I close my eyes and feel Mack’s fingers close in around mine again as I breathe in deep, and I cry out in pain and relief and sheer exhaustion as I feel my baby slip out of me; hear his cries fill the room and I just break down. And Mack’s arms fall around me and he cradles me, he rocks me as I sob my heart out, and I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired and overwhelmed and so fucking over-emotional… I just feel like something’s happened that terrifies me more than anything I’ve ever had to face, this is something else. And I’m so fucking scared.

  ‘Izzi?’

  I open my eyes and I look up, and Cora’s smiling, and she’s holding this tiny, tiny bundle and I instinctively hold out my arms and she places him in them, and I pull my baby boy to me. And he’s beautiful. He has Zeb’s eyes, and that just breaks my heart even more but this little man, he’s going to help me fix that. I lean over and kiss his forehead, and he’s warm and soft and I can’t believe he’s here. That me and Zeb – out of all that crazy, messed-up shit came him. We made him. We created him, God help him. But I suddenly feel such a powerful, fierce need to protect my son well up inside me, it’s filling me, consuming me, and I know now why I have to be strong. For him. He needs me. More than he’ll ever know. ‘Hey, baby boy. I’ve been waiting to meet you.’

  I turn my head slightly and smile at Mack, and his face breaks into a huge grin but I can see the fear still there behind his eyes. He had no fucking clue what to do here, and yet all he had to do was be here. And he was. And I’m so grateful for that.

  ‘Thank you,’ I whisper.

  ‘You did all the work, darlin’.’

  ‘You were here. You stayed. Even though I all but told you to fuck off, you stayed. And I needed you here so, thank you.’

  He gently kisses my forehead, and for a few seconds it feels like something’s happening. And I don’t know what, it’s all a bit confusing, but I’m distracted by paramedics rushing into the kitchen and a flurry of activity taking over and whatever that moment was, it’s gone.

  A whole new chapter of my life begins right now.

  And I don’t think it involves Mack Slayer.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Mack

  I was never going anywhere. The second I set foot back in this town I knew I wasn’t leaving it, not without her. And if that wasn’t gonna happen then I knew I was still staying. Still waiting for some kinda hope, something that might give me a sign that I was doing the right thing, that there might be a future out there I can actually deal with. And right now I ain’t seeing it, but I ain’t a quitter no more. So I stayed. And I’m back, I’m part of this chapter again and it’s good, to be part of something that gives me some focus. I think I need that. Focus.

  ‘You ready?’ Hal asks as he joins me outside. I
’m getting the trucks ready for tonight. We gotta job on that’s gonna mean some of us brothers taking a bit of a road trip.

  ‘All done.’

  I slam the back doors of the truck shut, pull the chain through them and fasten the padlock. It’s empty in there at the minute, but we’re gonna have a full load in a day or so.

  ‘You sure you want to do this?’

  I look at Hal. ‘I’m getting kinda tired of you questioning whether I’m ready for this. I’m ready, and I ain’t gonna spend no more time proving myself.’

  ‘Just need to be sure, Mack. This is something that could go badly wrong if the authorities get wind of it. And I know Sam’s got his law enforcement connections and all that shit, but there’s only so much they can do. We’re gonna be dropping one hell of a lot of weapons in a few days time, and we need to keep our profiles low or we could piss off some really crazy people.’

  ‘I’ve handled Russians before.’

  ‘Yeah, I know…’

  I grab Hal by his cut and throw him back against the truck, ‘cause, man, I’m pissed off now. I’m tired of this, and I’m done. ‘I’ve dealt with way worse shit than this, Hal, believe me. And you better believe this, too. I’m back. And I ain’t just back to make up the fucking numbers, OK? Those days of me being messed-up and off my game, they’re gone. All that, it’s fucking over. So when I say I’m ready for my old job back, don’t think for one minute that I’m fucking joking, ‘cause I ain’t. This club is mine. Always has been, it’s been my freakin’ life, and I ain’t gonna let Cooper down no more.’

  I let him go, throwing him back against the truck, and I turn away and rake a hand through my hair because all that shit, I meant it. Every fucking word.

  ‘Y’all lost faith in me, I get that.’

  My voice is quieter now, I’m calmer. And I turn around and look at Hal but he ain’t angry, or ready to fight back. He knows what’s happening here.

  ‘I get that. But I’m back now. And I’m ready.’

  He just looks at me, and his eyes – yeah. He knows. That throne he’s sitting on, he better not get used to it. I’m fucking back. And it’s time everyone knows that I’m coming for it…

  Izzi

  Milo Samuel Milek Zebrowski. He’s almost six months old now and that little man is my whole world. As every day goes by he looks more like his daddy, and I was right, when I looked at him just minutes after he was born and knew that he had Zeb’s eyes, because he does. He’s a tiny carbon copy of his father and I love him so much, I can’t even describe the strength of feelings I have for my son. They go beyond anything I’ve ever felt before, this love, it’s overwhelming, and it saved me. I miss Zeb with every inch of my still-fractured heart, but our son – he saved me. He pulled me back and he gave me a reason to carry on; to live again.

  ‘How’s my grandson today?’ Sam asks as I push Milo’s stroller into the clubhouse. And I know that, technically, Milo isn’t his grandson, even though he is a blood relative. But I can’t think of Sam as anything other than a father-figure now. He’s my substitute dad, and he’s been there for me in a way nobody else has been, other than Cora. Milo’s second mommy. Without those two I probably would’ve struggled in those first few weeks after Milo’s arrival, but with their help we found a routine that worked, and my life is a very different one now. But I like it. It’s still a touch unconventional, because the club is still very much a big part of my life, they’re my incredible support network and I love them for that. I need this place and the people in it. I need them. But there are little bits of my world now that actually verge on normal – when I’m feeding Milo or singing him to sleep or playing with him on the living room rug while cartoons play on the TV in the background. Those are the times when I know I can do this.

  ‘He’s fine.’ I reach into the stroller and lift out my beautiful, dark-haired boy. ‘Aren’t you, kicker?’

  ‘Give him to me, come on.’

  I hand him to Sam, and I smile as I watch him kiss Milo’s tiny cheek and Milo giggles and I feel a swell of love so real and so deep flood through me.

  ‘Cora not with you?’

  ‘She’s at Six. She’s working today, so, we thought we’d come see you guys.’

  He looks at me, and I frown slightly.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Mack’s outside.’

  I shrug. ‘So?’

  ‘Izzi…’

  ‘No, Sam. Zeb’s only been gone…’

  ‘It’s been over a year now, sweetheart.’

  ‘And you think that’s all it takes to get over the man I loved?’

  ‘Mack’s been good to you, Izzi.’

  ‘I know he has. And he knows I’m grateful…’

  ‘And you know why he stayed, don’t you?’

  Yes, I do. And I’m not getting into this because I didn’t ask him to stay, he knows how I feel. Yes, he’s been good to me and Milo, he’s been there for me and he’s helped me, but they all have. All the brothers here at the club, they’ve all been there for us.

  ‘Don’t, Sam.’

  ‘Milo needs a father, Izzi.’

  ‘Did you really just say that?’ I can’t believe he actually said those words, and I can’t help laughing. ‘Seriously?’

  ‘He loves you. He loves this boy, he was there, Izzi. When you pushed Milo out, he was there, he’s got a connection to that boy that…’

  ‘I can’t believe you’re standing there, saying this…’ I drag a hand through my hair and step back, I’m still stunned. ‘Milo has plenty of male figures he can look up to, Sam, they aren’t exactly in short supply around here, are they?’

  ‘It isn’t the same, Izzi. And you know that. Mack, Zeb… neither of them had a real father to guide them, to be there for them, and I should know. I let Mack down, and Kes – he didn’t know how to be a real father to Zeb. We let our sons down. Are you gonna do the same to yours?’

  I stare at him, letting his words sink in, because I still can’t believe I’m hearing them. ‘Don’t you dare tell me I’m letting my son down. Don’t you fucking dare.’

  ‘You could’ve made him leave, Izzi. If you’d wanted to.’

  I frown and stare at him again, what the hell is he talking about?

  ‘You always knew he was staying because of you, but if you’d wanted him to leave he would have...’

  ‘He did what he wanted to do.’

  ‘And you didn’t stop him.’

  ‘We’ve been here before, Sam.’

  ‘And this time there’s no Zeb to…’

  He knows he’s overstepped the mark now, I can see that. And I’m trying to keep my anger in check because I didn’t come here for a row. ‘I loved Zeb, it was never Mack. I loved Zeb, and I still miss him every fucking day, every time I look at Milo…’

  ‘I know, Izzi, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry, darlin’, but things are so very different now.’

  ‘And you don’t think I know that?’

  He bows his head and leans in to kiss Milo again, and I feel something shift inside me, something that hits me hard like a kick to the gut. Something I don’t want to feel, but it’s there.

  ‘I miss him, Sam.’

  My voice is quiet now, all the anger gone to be replaced by a realization that scares me to my very core.

  ‘I know you do. We all do, Izzi.’

  ‘Not like I miss him. You don’t know how I feel inside, every day, from the second I wake up to the minute I close my eyes, because he’s still there. He’s inside me, all of the fucking time, and I don’t want to lose that feeling, because I can’t let go of him yet. I’m just not ready, Sam.’

  ‘You can’t live that way forever, Izzi. You can’t cling onto the past and let it drag you down, and nobody’s saying you have to forget Zeb. You’ll never forget him, and that’s OK. That’s fine. That’s normal. But you’re still so very young, sweetheart. And you still have a lot of life left to live. Are you sure you want to live it on your own?’

  ‘I’m not on my own.
I’ve got Milo. I’ve got you and Cora, and the club…’

  ‘And you know that isn’t what I meant.’

  ‘Maybe I should go…’

  ‘Talk to him. Go and talk to Mack.’

  ‘And say what? Hey, Mack, how about taking on a still-grieving widow and her child? You up for that?’

  ‘Izzi…’

  ‘I’m fine as I am, Sam. OK? So just leave it. Can you keep an eye on him, please? I need some air.’

  I head outside and sit at one of the tables out front of the clubhouse. It’s a beautiful day, warm but not too hot, and the sky’s a clear, deep blue. And for a few seconds I just sit there and look up, counting the few, tiny clouds that are scattered about.

  ‘Want some company?’

  I shift my gaze and look at him. Mack. All messed-up dark hair and heavy stubble. He seems to have lost the beard now. ‘Sam send you?’

  He frowns, and I realize he probably has no clue what I’m talking about so I quickly change the subject.

  ‘You settling back in here OK?’

  ‘Like I ain’t ever been away, darlin’.’

  His eyes lock on mine but I break the stare and drop my gaze, focusing on the wedding ring I refuse to take off. ‘Good.’

  ‘This is my club, Izzi. I just lost sight of that for a while, is all. But now…’ He sits forward and looks out ahead, clasping his hands together between his knees, ‘now I’m gonna get it back.’

  I feel his eyes on me and I turn to face him.

  ‘New starts and all that.’ He laughs quietly, and I feel that kick to my gut again. ‘Or, y’know, an old one reworked.’ He smiles, and I can’t help returning it. ‘How’s Milo doing?’

  I briefly look down before my eyes once more meet his. ‘He’s good. Growing bigger every day.’

  ‘Be walking before you know it. Giving you all kindsa trouble then, huh?’

  I smile again, but I don’t say anything. I don’t really want to move this conversation any further along.

  ‘Anyway…’ He sighs and stands up, digging his hands into his pockets. ‘I’d better get going. Got work to do, now I’m back.’